This post covers the effective use of Non-Violent Communication, a term and strategy first coined by Marshall B Rosenberg in the 1960s. It is being used today by some of the world’s biggest companies to transform their culture and performance.
SO WHAT THE FLAMING HELL IS NVC YOU STUPID MORON?
Non Violent Communication (NVC) is founded on the premise that all human beings have a capacity for empathy and compassion.
It teaches that we only resort to aggressive, violent and harmful behaviour to others, when we do not recognise more effective strategies for meeting needs.
Let’s use an example to explain in detail how this works to resolve conflict and build trust…
Two African tribes are at war with each other. Marshall B Rosenberg is brought in to facilitate a meeting between the fighting tribe leaders…
One tribe leader immediately shouts aggressively at the other ‘You killed my son!’
The other tribe leader responds viciously with ‘You attacked my herd of cattle and my people starved!’
This aggression escalated for some time with the two tribe leaders hurling increasingly brutal insults and threats at each other.
Rosenberg listens non emotionally for some time and says to the first tribe leader…
‘What I am hearing from what you are saying is you have a NEED for safety’
He then turns to the second tribe leader and says…
‘What I am hearing from what you are saying is you have NEED for safety’
Both tribe leaders immediately agree with Rosenberg and then reality dawns on them that they have the same needs. The best solution to protect their tribes from further distress is to stop fighting. Job Done.
The key lesson is we often get into conflict trying to defend our position or attack the other person. What is much more effective is to focus on aligning the needs of the parties involved
As a rule of thumb always remember…. the first problem the person cites is never the real problem!
Trust me, find out the real need and you can generally resolve the challenge.
Let’s now build the credibility of this post by focusing in on Microsoft and the company’s stellar performance since 2014. It has recently overtaken Apple in Market Cap size and the growth can be seen on the graph below…
Introducing Satya Nadella…
Under Steve Ballmer, Microsoft was widely regarded to as an aggressive pressure driven culture. This culture had seen company growth flatline and stagnate particularly in relation to Apple.
When Nadella walked into his first board meeting in 2014, he handed a copy of Rosenburg’s seminal book on Non-Violent Communication to each Board member telling them to read it as this would form the basis of a cultural change with Microsoft. The rest they say is history!
Remember when you have a go at someone, it is basically admitting you do not have the capability to meet the needs of both parties involved.
Here is a quick takeaway from the essence of this post. When dealing with a challenge….
Hope this post has given you some food for thought around a calmer, more non emotional productive approach to relationships, challenge and conflict.
If this is not you bag, that’s fine. FEEL FREE TO GO AND BOIL YOUR HEAD!
